I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize