Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
