It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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