Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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