I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Can i not drive my cunt home
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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