Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
