come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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