fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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