I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
