Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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