a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
