I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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