I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
