I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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