so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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