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Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
