: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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