My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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