i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just googled if crying burns calories
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
