kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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