That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
