The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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