True but thats because hes a fetus.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
