I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
