I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
