I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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