it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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