im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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