I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
