Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't deserve a penis
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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