i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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