so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
