1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
