did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
