That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
