doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
