Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
