he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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