Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
