I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
