you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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