I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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