a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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