My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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