u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
