I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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