Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
