I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
