it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
