Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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