Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
