I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
There's even glitter on my cock...
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