Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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