at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
