so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
