I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have tasted many bathrooms
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
