ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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