Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize