benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
