Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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