I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
