yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize