No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
