I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
