I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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