so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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