She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
