There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
