I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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