When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
