I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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