Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
