My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
