if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
