they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize