The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
