This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
