It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
