those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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