well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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