There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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