Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
