Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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